


Trial and Error

by cyanspade



Category: In Your Arms Tonight, Voltage Inc - Fandom, Voltage Inc. - All Media Types, 今夜アナタと眠りたい | In Your Arms Tonight (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Married Couple, Regret, Time Loop, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanspade/pseuds/cyanspade
Summary: Koichi tries to fix his failed relationship with her. Over and over again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I somewhat pity the guy for having such a bad reputation, but oh well. He had it coming. This will always be my Voltage OTP (ง •̀_•́)ง

**I.**

He tries to remain stoic at the sight of his wife’s stricken face.  According to her— _and everyone else, too,_ — his heart has long frozen, leaving him a cold, unfeeling robot.

By the time their argument reaches its peak, she has run out of the house, complete with suitcases and all. He promptly runs after her, slightly frustrated at the outcome of their squabble— _what have I done wrong this time?_

There, at the crossroads, lies her bloodied and battered visage. He has to fight his way through the crowd before realizing—

“Yeah, officer.  I saw her running across the road then, boom. The truck went by and hit the poor girl.”

— _this isn't real._

“Time of death, 10:49 pm.”

_This isn't real._

“Mr. Natsukawa, I regret to inform you of your wife’s passing. My deepest condolences.”

_None of you are real._

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Koichi.”

_It’s all just some nightmare._

“She was so young, what a tragedy…”

_By the time I open my eyes, all of this will disappear._

_One._

“…So we’ll have to start preparing for her funeral as soon as possible—hey!”

_Two._

“Get a hold of yourself, Koichi—!”

_Three._

_Good._

**II.**

When he opens his eyes, he’s surprised to see two people standing in front of him. One of them is her— _crying_ —and the other is a serious-looking man— _her boss, if I remember correctly._

“Could I ask you to leave your wife?"

 _That_ shook him out of his stupor.

Her boss looks him in the eye.

“I love your wife, and she told me that she loves me. I take full responsibility for how things have gone…but I can’t hold back my feelings any longer.”

 _Did I really end up here just to make_ this _choice? Hell, no—_

“I want to make her happy. I humbly ask you to allow it.”

He bows his head in front of Koichi after speaking.

Koichi looks at her, and the look in her face is unmistakable— _pleading._

_So that’s how it is._

It takes an awkward bout of silence, but the husband finally speaks up.

“…Do you think you can make her happier than I can?” _It hurts to talk._

Her boss straightens his posture and looks him in the eye again. “I do. I will make her happier than you do. I swear it.”

The two men scrutinize each other for a bit longer, when Koichi gives a defeated smile.

“Heh…”

“Mr. Natsukawa…?”

“I should’ve seen it coming.” Another wistful look. “Please, make her happy.”

_After all—_

“…All I did was make her miserable.”

He gives her one last look before leaving the room. She still has tears in her eyes, but he knows it’s not sadness. He could’ve sworn seeing her mouth the words “thank you” while he closed the door.

This isn't real.

_This isn't real._

**III.**

This time, he ends up at their home. Or more specifically, his bedroom. He takes a few moments to stare at the ceiling before noticing the sound of running water.

_She’s probably in the bathroom._

He wants to make sure of it himself— _I’d better not be insane_ —, so he knocks on the door.

“Are you alright?”

No reply.

_Knock, knock, knock._

Still nothing.

He’s slightly worried now. Taking a deep breath, he mentally prepares himself for the next step.

“I’m coming in—“

_No. You’ve got to be kidding me._

She lies there in the bathtub with her head lolled to the side. Her bloody wrists are the first things that catch his attention. He runs to her, whispering words of apology and self-deprecation.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m—“

_A failure._

_Damn it._

**IV.**

_Please, please let this be the one._

He seems to be at some sort of party this time around. His suit is better than the usual, and everyone else around him is wearing evening formal wear.

Maybe he should try blending in. He heads toward the refreshments table, eyeing a piece of pastry. When he tries to reach for it, he bumps into someone else.

“Oh, I’m sor— Koichi?”

_It’s her. It’s her. It’s her._

She looks awkwardly to the side. “I didn't expect to see you here.”

_Wait, but aren't we supposed to be here together?_

He attempts to explain himself, but is interrupted by another voice.

“Hey, anything wrong over there?”  A man with dirty blond hair approaches them.

“Oh, it’s nothing, Genji. I just ran into an old acquaintance of mine,” she tells him.

_Old acquaintance? Don’t tell me—_

Koichi quietly glares at Genji when the blond puts his arm around her waist.

 _The hell? Get your arms off_ my _wife, you—_

“Hey, there. Genji Higashiyama. I’m her _fiancé_. Nice to meet you.” 

_No. No. No._

_I’m too late._

**V.**

Now, he’s at his office, face-to-face with his monotone computer when his phone rings. Before anything else, he checks his finger to see if his wedding ring’s still there— _it better be._

The ring gives off a dull shine—g _ood, it’s still there._

He answers the phone. “Hello, Koichi Natsukawa speaking.”

“Mr. Natsukawa, your wife—“

_Oh, god, please let this be a joke. Make it stop._

“What about my wife?” His voice is louder than usual mixed with a tinge of desperation, and his office mates turn to his direction.

“—a child bumped into her during the morning commute. She…fell onto the train tracks while the train was approaching—”

_Why does this keep happening to me? Am I being punished? God, god, god—_

“—her body is currently being recovered at the train station. I’m very sorry for your loss, sir—“

 _Bam_. He throws his phone across the room. With curious stares, his office mates ponder at the out-of-character display he just exhibited.

He gives all of them a lousy attempt at a smile.

“My wife just died this morning. Get back to work.”

_I’ll get it right next time._

_It has to be. It has to be—_

**VI.**

_So she’s with her coworker now?_

Apparently, her coworker’s been in love with her for eight years— _so, what?_ —, and right now she’s running out of the house to chase after the said man.

Right after taking off her wedding ring. In front of Koichi.

_I screwed up again, huh?_

**VII.**

He’s already lost count of the times he held her lifeless body. Every time somebody tries to offer some sort of sympathy to him, he’d just walk past them.

_Damn you all._

**VIII.**

_Is this how she felt like when I cheated on her?_

_Was I that bad of an asshole?_

**IX.**

Sometimes, he’d tally the number of times she died versus the number of times she ended up with another man.

Which one hurt more? Seeing her die in his arms? Or seeing her happy in someone else’s?

_I don’t know anymore._

**X.**

How many times has he done this? A hundred? A thousand? It didn't matter. Things ended up the same, anyway.

She’d always die married to him. She’d always smile with someone else.

Koichi never thought he’d loathe the word “always” with so much fervor.

**XI.**

Scientifically speaking, he should’ve been numb to the pain by now. He’s been conditioned to accept many agonizing scenarios, so why does he still feel an ache every time he fails?

Maybe detachment would work. After all, his heart has frozen long ago.

**XII.**

_Maybe I should just lock her up—_

_No. Stop it. You can’t do that, Koichi._

_But you haven’t tried it yet. It could work—_

_I said stop it, didn't I?!_

Arguing with himself has become one of his pastimes. He wonders if he has gone insane.

**XIII.**

_Please stop being so nice to me even after everything._

_It’s making things harder for me._

_Help…_

_I think I've reached my limit._

**XIV.**

Okay. He has decided. After continuous trial and error, _he has decided_.

_I don’t know how many more times I can keep failing, but I do know this:_

_If I can’t have you—_

_—then nobody can._


End file.
